Where is happiness?

It's a period where everyone is busy preparing for exams. And for ppl like us, it'll be the last exam as an undergraduate. Along wif revisions, some stuff have juz occupied my mind which makes mi quite confused at e moment.

As mentioned before, humans are juz like onions where each and everyone of us have many layers or rather "faces". Recently, someone has caused mi to start questioning abt myself, juz hw many "faces" I've and hw well do i understand myself. Wat do I like and want exactly?

Trust is an intangible asset which many of us possess. Only to people whom we trust that we're willing to expose ourselves, and ti the extent of placing ourselves in their hands. Maybe by nature, I'm pretty risk adverse in nature especially when it comes to relationships. The fear of pain and disappointment which tends to hold mi back and even retreat.

Currently, I'm still standing still though there's still the urgue of retreating. However, if i dun gif myself as well as the other a chance, how would i knw whether my happiness is right here? As usual, it's easier said than done. Though answer is clear, but am I willing and ready to face it? If I dun grab hold of it now, will i regret when it slips thru my fingers? So many "if" and "wat if".

In the past, solution like "let nature takes its course" and "let fate decide" will surfaced like a life line. Sometimes, juz simply envious of frenz who are brave enough to express themselves and take steps forward in pursuing their dreams and happiness. Only then, you'll know what you want and fight for it. That brought another quote to my mind, "cherish wat you've coz you nv knw when you'll lose it".

Guess I'll juz stop here and get back to my revision le.. Not very confident in this exam as the semester has passed in a blink of eye and nothing much is really registered in mind. Haha.. Jiayou!!!!

a great loss in the music industry..

Ah Sang, a great singer who has touched many music lovers with her melancholy voice, has juz died of breast cancer on the 6th Apr 2009. This has juz make mi realise once again dat nv take things for granted. Cherish wat u've coz u'll nv knw when will u lose it.
This is 1 of my favorite songs sang by her.

歌曲：叶子
歌手：阿桑

叶子 是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的叶子
天堂 原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘 当初怎麽开始飞翔

孤单 是一个人的狂欢
狂欢 是一群人的孤单
爱情 原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘 当时是怎样有人陪伴

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信 自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里 就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信 自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

孤单是一个人的狂欢 狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘 当时是怎样有人陪伴

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信 自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里

叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

我一个人吃饭旅行(到处)走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

reflection..

It has been so long since i last stepped into S'pore Conference Hall. This time, it is to witness the current Chong Boon band earning their silver medal for SYF after so long. i'm really proud of them as they've shown the capability of adapting and putting in hard work though the new conductor, mr chiang has juz took over for less than 2 yrs. Thank u, mr chiang, for helping the band to get back on their feet and earn back the honor we used to have.

Mr Darence Leng, our dearest conductor were there as well, bring one of his many bands, Bartley Secondary band. All of us, not only the current band members but also the alumni were very sad that he has to leave Chong Boon due to a mistake in letting 1 alumni to play in the SYF 2007. What's really horrible is dat the then assistant conductor was suspected in reporting this to the SYF committee after some self-investigation. We juz can't accept that hw one can turn and bite the hand that feed him? It was Mr Leng who helped and brought him into this job.

Alumni like mi, have been going back less often since Mr leng left, also partially due to our own workload. What really make my day (08 April 09) is when Mr leng said "I'll be back so u alumni muz be united". When i told hui shan that nite, her response is juz like many of us - "i'm most willing and ready to get back when he's back". And yes, we're all ready and on stand-by juz waiting for u, Mr Leng. Quoting hui shan, " other den my parents, he's the person i respected most". It was him indeed,who help us found the passion in playing and creating music.

Other den dis, dis sem has also made mi think and reflect alot. Firstly, i'm not as independent as i've tot myself to be. It was until last nite that I've admitted dat i'm quite reliant on hui shan. that's partially y the feeling of a little lost and hurt as well as pissed when she placed greater importance on her bf.

This brings on another issue in trusting on others. Everyone has dis defensive wall in them which is used to protect themselves. Only certain ppl are allowed in this "no entry aka dangerous" area. This will thus reduce the risk of getting hurt by someone who means alot to u. but this will also means that whoever cares will ve to spend extra effort and patience so as to gain the entry to this zone as well..

Human has many faces and sides and most of the time, it is used to protect himself. But only to whom are u able to show ur true self to ? that i really wonder... especially when it concern ur heart..

I've always tot that human psychology is intriguing and have been wanting to study it in more depth. However, dis recent yrs have juz shown mi hw complicated it is.. Maybe it's not only complicated in nature but also complicated by mi.. Frenz like Huiling and huishan have been telling mi dat i tend to think too much.. sometimes, really ve to follow ur heart. only then u'll be really happy and even if u get hurt, u'll not regret ur decision.

outings !!

Right after handing in the investment project, we gals (sandra, zorah and huiling) went straight to ps to gai gai.. Went to gelare to rest our feets and pamper ourselves!

Next day, after last inv class, we continued pampering ourselves by going sushi-tei at Holland V and kbox with lawrence. Haha.. Due to our eagerness, didn't manage to take photo of the food except for a few. It's also my first time trying sashimi as well as sake.

Maybe it's not very clear in the pic but huiling and lawrence went red after drinking choya and sake respectively.. hehe..

We were so high after dinner dat someone suggested going kbox. haha.. guess we were all juz veru relieved to finish our investment project. Was stuck at certain parts for so long den we began to panic hw to go on.

Hereby, muz really thank all frenz, especially Lawrence and Jiahe, for their help. Without them, we might still be stuck. Lawrence even had to be our advisor (coming down to sch juz to help us) cum dinner delivery when we were in sch on sat nite though it was raining. Thanks, Lawrence!

Time to get back to revision for exams after a short break. Let's jiayou together and do well for dis exam!!!! Kambadei =)

assignments over !!!

yesterday was the day for the last assignment, presentation for global marketing.. haha.. was initially taking it easy till i was about to have a rehearsal wif my grp. i knw very well my part very well, but again maybe i'm juz not used to speaking in front of audience, being the centre of everyone's attention.

juz as wat i've told some of u, huiling and i've decided to do peer evaluation for dis assignment. grp mates weren't willing to do it at first, all but the person whom we're displeased wif the most. however, wat's surprising is dat e member who tried to persuade us to drop it turned out to be the one who failed her own grp mate. this really makes mi wonder wat's exactly is human nature. for one, it's really the selfishness. thinking back, her reason for not doing it was that it'll affect everyone's grade. (guess she's juz afraid that her grades will be affected)

juz checked out another assignment's result. felt really relieved that so far, all results were ok. hope to clear dis last sem smoothly and if can, scored well to help raise my gpa. sad to say so but this world is juz so realistic. without sensible grades, it seems like one's not dat capable afterall.

Anyway, many ppl have started finding jobs and heard that things aren't looking gd. On the other hand, some coursemates are happily planning for graduating trip. haha.. guess it's really up to one to decide wat u want and hw r u going to achieve it.